joke hope you like

[Deano]

>
>
>Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the
>
>side of a deserted road in the Highlands. Suddenly, a brand new bright
>
>Red Porsche 911 appears and screeches to a halt beside him. The driver,
>
>a woman wearing a Channel suit, Ray Bans and a Cartier watch,steps out
>
>and asks the shepherd,
>
>
>
>"If I can guess how many sheep you have can I keep one?"
>
>The shepherd looks at the large flock and says 'Okay'. The woman
>
>connects a laptop to a mobile phone fax, enters the NASA website, scans
>
>the field using GPS, opens a database linked to 60 Excel files with
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>Logarithms and Pivot Tables, then prints out a 150 page report on a high
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>Tech mini printer.
>
>
>
>She studies the report and says to the shepherd, "You have exactly 1,586
>
>Sheep." The shepherd replies "That's correct. You can have the pick of
>
>my flock." The woman packs away her equipment, looks at the flock and
>
>puts an animal in the boot of her Porsche. As she is about to leave the
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>Shepherd says "If I can guess your profession will you return the animal
>
>to me?" The woman thinks for a moment and then agrees. The shepherd says
>
>"You are a (add your company name here) manager," "Correct," responds the woman, "but how
>
>did you know?" The shepherd replies "Simple, first you came without
>
>being invited. Second, you wasted a lot of time telling me something I
>
>already knew. Third, you don't understand anything about the work I do,
>
>but interfere anyway - Now can I have my dog back?"
>
>-Cheers Deano

[Deano]

and another

>
>A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and
>
>spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,
>
>can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I
>
>don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air
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>Balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between
>
>40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
>
>Longitude." "You must be in IT." said the balloonist. "I am." replied
>
>the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist,
>
>"everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to
>
>make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly,
>
>you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
>
>The woman below responded, "You must be a (ad your company here) Manager." "I am,"
>
>replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman,
>
>
>
>"You don't know where you are or where you're going.
>
> You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
>
>You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect
>
>people beneath you to solve your problems.
>
>
>
>The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we
>
>met but now, somehow, it's my fault."
>
>
>
>Cheers Deano he he
>

[TONYELF]

Don't give up the day job!

[Club TCM]

Nice one deano, prob true of so many companies out there!